this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you inspire me to be a worse person
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
