just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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