i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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