Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this beer tastes like vomit already
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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