when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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