in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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