we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
