.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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