do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
