I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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