I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
