member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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