I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
