You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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