I can't watch pbs sober anymore
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she looked like the before picture.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
