how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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