how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
