Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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