I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
