Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
