We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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