24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
