Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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