Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
