Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
