I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
