I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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