Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
