I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
