benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
