Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
try to milk me bitch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
