he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
