Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
