it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
