I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
