I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
