Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
