So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
