Don't you send me to vm
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
