yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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