Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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