Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
