no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you never un-have a 4some
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
