I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
