I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
