I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
