I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
