I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
