So drunk its hurt
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
