I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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