I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
