your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
